Haven’t heard a word …
from my “friend”. Maybe she’s not talking to me anymore. Although I feel pretty terrible about it still I think it is for the best. Besides the anxiety I have over this whole situation in general I have one specific anxiety about it all that I’m having a hard time letting go and moving on from. You see, I’m interviewing for a job later this week and the person who is interviewing me is a friend of my “friend”. I don’t know how close, I don’t know how much they stay in touch, I don’t know that my “friend” has told her friend about my mean judgmental email or not but I’m having anxiety about it anyway. I really want this job and I am totally qualified for it but I worry that my email may come back to haunt me. I will just have to ride it out and do a slam-dunk at the interview. Here’s a cliché for you – what will be, will be. I can only control what I can control and that is how I am at the interview.
Had a wonderful time visiting my sisters. I love those two women more than anything in the world. I am blessed beyond reason to have them for my family. I feel the same way about SB. Anyway, we had such a fun time. SB went wild and did some crazy stuff that was new and exciting for my city boy. He went skeet shooting and ATV riding. He has never done any of that before and he loved it. He and my BIL get along so well and they are from two totally different worlds and besides SB is a demo.crat and BIL is a repu.blican so I was afraid it was going to be like mixing water and oil. I am so happy b/c I really like my BIL and I wanted them to be friends.
We spent time with the nieces and nephews and we went one day to an Arboretum that had cactus specimens from all the deserts of the world. The kids loved it. We had to get up really early in the morning in order to get there and spend time before the heat of the day got too bad and boy did they not want to get up and go that morning. Two of them were begging me to let them stay asleep, but being the meanie bad auntie that I am I forced them to get up and go. Later in the day they were both telling me that they were so happy I “made” them go. They loved it and they loved me for leading them to it even though they were kicking and screaming the whole way. I love love love those kids. They are horrible, awful, rotten, spoiled, loud, and obnoxious and I totally adore them.
SB and I spent the next weekend in the Hamp.tons here in Long.Island. SB’s brother and SIL rented a house for the summer (ah it’s nice to have rich relatives :). We had a great time just hanging out, cooking on the bbq, swimming, and going to a winery. Yes, ladies and gents I drank way way way too much this weekend. I love wine and I hardly ever drink. SB doesn’t drink (just doesn’t like how it makes him feel) so I never have wine with dinner unless I’m out or on vacation and loved it. Got tipsy two nights in a row – oooh I’m bad I know. I was born to be wild.
Nothing else to report except dot arrived today and I have been in a vile, VILE mood. I’ve just been easily annoyed all day and I really hate feeling like that. I know I’m no longer TTC but it is still just pissing me off that I have gone through all that we have and no baby, no hope. It also pisses me off to keep having perio.ds. I mean, WTF? why do I need it – I feel it is mocking me. Ha ha, here I am and I’m not doing you a bit of good. I’m just an annoyance and reminder that, like clockwork, causes you pain and grief. Get the f*ck away already. I know, I know, I’m just in a vile mood and this too will pass but really I feel like dot’s just in my face obnoxious.
I hope all are well out in blog land. I’m still a terrible commenter – I always worry that in my commenting clumsiness I’ll be the one that will say the one stupid thing that will cause some poor blogger pain and I never want to do that. IF is too freaking painful on its own, we don’t need to hurt each other too. Sounds like I have a neurosis – must seek help :)
