Someone PLEASE, knock me up!

Today I had my fourth medicated IUI.  I have had 7 IUI’s total but only 4 medicated cycles.  I have also had one failed IVF back in November 2006.  Today I had 2 or 3 large follies - I think as the Dr. did not do an u/s today.  Two days ago I had 2 follies on RO, two days before that I had 2 follies on LO and 1 on RO.   Don’t know how they got switched up but I don’t really care as long as they are there and ready to pop.   Put in 13.1 million mobile sp*rm this moring during IUI and put in a about 40 million or more last night at home, heehee!  Don’t really know if I have O’d just got a positive OPK yesterday afternoon.  I can go back tomorrow morning for a second IUI but the dr. office said it was up to me and that they hadn’t seen studies that said it made a difference either way.   I thought I had read somewhere that it does make a difference and the optimal time is 12 hours and 36 hours after trigger.  Maybe the difference here is that I did not use a trigger shot this time just used OPKs to determine timing.    The following are the stats for this cycle (I am going to put them on the postings b/c I need to keep track):

January 17, 2007
Stats CD2 begin medicated IUI cycle:
RO = 4 @ >10, LO = 3 @ >10. Lining at 4.2 Start stims tonight. 225 of Gon*l F
January 22, 2007
Stats CD6:
RO = 1 @ 11, LO = 1 @ 11 & 1 @ 14. Lining 10. Continue Gon*lF @ 225
OPK = negative (4:00 p.m.)
January 24, 2007
Stats CD8:
RO = 1 @ 14 & 1 @ 16, LO = couldn’t find any of size (where did they go?). Lining 12. Continue Gon*lF @ 225
Is it weird that two days ago there were 2 on my LO at 11 & 14 and today nada?
forgot OPK today–oops!
January 25, 2007
Positive OPK will head in for IUI tomorrow

Okay everyone: as you all know IF can take a terrible toll on our emotions but OMG what it has done to my waistline is freaking me out.  I’m huge.  Six months ago my size 12 pants were swimming on me and I was getting ready to go buy size 10s.  Today, my size 12s are leaving red welts all around my middle section.   I have a couple of size 14s and they are snug, snug, snug.  Un-freaking-believable!   I thought I’d be huge around my middle right about now, but that was because I was supposed to be PG RIGHT NOW!!!!

Okay, gotta get myself under control.  Buckle down, eat right, exercise whenever I am not in the 2WW or on huge amounts of stims.  Gotta make friends with feeling hungry.  Gotta realize afternoon snacks are the enemy.  OMG, I don’t know if I can do it.  Afternoon snacks are my BFF right now.

Maybe I will start a diet blog.  Yeah, that’s a good idea, except wait, if I start a diet blog I will spend all my time blogging and none of my time exercising anything but my flying typing fingers and guess what — my hands don’t need to lose weight–anybody figure out how to type with your belly button let me know–I’ll take whatever exercise around my tummy that I can get right now. 

So, one of the reasons I have always put off writing a blog (and publishing it) is that I think I don’t have too much to say. Now, I know that isn’t true. I have opinions about everything. What I think I mean is that my writing style leaves a little to be desired. I was an English major in college. I don’t know why–I hate writing things down (except lists that is–I heart lists). Those babies get me through the day!! I want to be funny–some of you are soooo funny I end up snorting when I laugh. Some of you are so moving I end up sniffling my way through your posts. That is what I aspire to be for you. For me, I just want to write what I mean and mean what I write. In the written form, communication is fraught with the possibility of misunderstanding. College students spend hours and hours of class time parsing out just what exactly did the writer mean when saying X. The thing is, the student can NEVER really know. Once something is written down and put out there, that written something can be and will be interpreted over and over and in many different ways. The reader cannot parse out the meaning without using their own internal measuring stick. We all see and understand through our own version of colored glasses, possibly they are rose colored but for many they are not so cheery nor forgiving. I hope that as you read my blog you will read through whatever colored glasses you need but that they are fair glasses that want to see things in a mindful way. Of course, having said that I also hope you will read with truthful colored glasses and be yourself in your responses if you respond (and I hope you will want to respond).

I’m working on a post about falling down which I seem to do often. I’m just waiting for the bruises to heal from the last drop on the pavement.

This time is the first time that I have REALLY been brought low by the arrival of the DOT (.) It has always been difficult but this time it is more than difficult. I feel the pain in the deepest recesses inside my brain — weird I always thought I would feel it the worst in my chest right next to my heart, but no, this is an insideous (sp?) feeling that I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to justify or rationalize away. You see, rationalizing is my way of coping. Rationale separates me from the reality that I am an infertile woman. This woman is not supposed to be me — hell, it isn’t supposed to be you either but happy day and hallelujah, look at us — a whole bunch of peas in a pod.That brings me to my real post for today. I have been lurking on the blogs of the Cyclesista’s for quite a while now. It has been reading all of you that has finally helped me realize there is a place for me in this world.